5) No rainbows

March 4, 2013 § Leave a comment

The thing is that she shouldn’t have been chosen, the part wasn’t for her and everyone knew it. For one thing she has a big nose. Dorothy doesn’t have a big nose, the witch does. She would have made a much better witch. Just from a visual point of view. I’m not even being mean, I’m being truthful. And in showbiz it is so important to be truthful. If you want to make it you have to get used to being critiqued and I want to make it. Every day I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself my flaws, as practice.

Split ends. Freckles. Sometimes sings flat. Too short.

Now, if I am ever told any of those things by a director, I am ready to take on that criticism and use it.

Split ends. Freckles. Sometimes sings flat. Too short.

She doesn’t want to make it, and she has no drive, no passion. Everyone knows it. Except our teacher, who picked her to be Dorothy. What was she thinking? I was born to be Dorothy. My Over The Rainbow has moved people to tears. I have named every goldfish I have ever owned Toto. Once, when I was on holiday in America, I saw a tornado. I am the full package.  I was the obvious choice. How could she pick her?

Split ends. Freckles. Sometimes sings flat. Too short.

So I got the part of a munchkin. It must have been because my high notes were so beautiful. I have a really amazing high register. I can literally break a glass with my high A. Well, I’ve never tried but I’m sure I could. Sometimes my Mum says that I’m going to burst her eardrums and that’s basically the same thing.

Split ends. Freckles. Sometimes sings flat. Too short.

I had to learn how to walk around the stage with my knees in my shoes. I was great at it. I walked around my house that way for weeks, to get into character. I could even do cartwheels and the splits like that. By the time it was opening night I had forgotten that I ever had long legs. I was a munchkin. I was dedicated and ready to shine. And my teacher was going to see that straight away and regret not making me Dorothy.

Split ends. Freckles. Sometimes sings flat. Too short.

Yes, she looked kind of nice in her Dorothy costume, I will admit that. I’m not jealous so I can say she looked nice, but not as nice as everyone was making her out to look. You’d think it was her wedding day or something. You should have seen the boy munchkins, they were all over her. I was doing cartwheels and splits all around the backstage area and no one said one thing to me. They must have been intimidated.

Split ends. Freckles. Sometimes sings flat. Too short.

I make a special drink for my voice. I’m famous for it, everyone knows about it. The ingredients are secret. It’s mainly lemon juice with honey and some green tea but I tell people that it’s made of secret special herbs that all the broadway stars drink. To show there was no hard feelings I went to her before she went on stage. She was nervous about singing Over the Rainbow cause it’s such an iconic song. God, she was such an amateur! So I let her have a sup of my special drink. She said it tasted funny and I told her that was how it was supposed to taste.

Her voice croaked and cracked through the whole song. That’s what happens when you drink a mouthful of salt. And as I stood in the wings all I could think was

 Split ends. Freckles. Sometimes sings flat. Too short.

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